Looking for love…
In all the wrong places - By Dawn Dieckmann
Editors Note: The bible tells us when we are saved, we become a new creation in Christ. The new has come the old has died. If I met Dawn on the street today, I would only know her as she is now. We all have a past, and Satan will try to use it against us, telling us we are not worthy of God's love and forgiveness. But…Psalm 103:1 tells us -The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
And in Micah 7:19 -You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Don't let Satan talk you into going fishing there.
Here’s the best part, after you share your story there’s nothing left for Satan to hold guilt over you. You are free indeed.
I am honored that Dawn let me share her story with you.
_____________________________________Dawn's story starts here_______________________________
King Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun. My story is like so many others that have gone before me. The only difference is the names have changed.
Like so many other kids, my life took a nose-dive after my mother left us. My father eventually remarried. So now I had two brothers, three sisters, four stepbrothers and a stepmom. My father worked hard to support our blended family of 11 people, but he was an alcoholic. He grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional home environment and the generational curse of ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,’ carried over into our new family.
The one thing I craved more than anything was to be loved. My new brothers and sisters were not interested in becoming a family. The relationship at home became more abusive over time. During one episode my stepmother told my father how bad we all were but mostly his girls, that led to him lashing out with physical abuse. I was hit in the nose hard enough to make it bleed. So, I started looking outside my home for someone to care about me – to love me.
I ran away from home at age 14 with a man I didn’t like but he got me out of the house. I started to hang out with all the wrong people. It wasn’t long before my life went the way of so many other runaways. Alcohol, drugs, then prostituting to buy alcohol and drugs and food and occasionally a place to stay. Mostly I was homeless. At age 14 I was a coke addict and got pregnant and had a miscarriage. I got pregnant again at 18. I was with my daughter for three years, always taking her to babysitters so I could get high. Finally my daughter's father had enough. He took her and moved out after we'd been together 10 years.
Two girls that befriended me decided to rob an old lady at a bus stop and I went along. What seemed like a simple “give me your purse” then run, turned into the two girls getting away and me ending up in jail. I had hit the old woman and then ran, but I left my purse at the scene. That’s when everything spiraled completely out of control. I got sentenced to five years but got in so much trouble there, breaking the rules, that I got moved to a higher security prison.
I didn’t know it then, but despite everything I’d done and what I was about to do, God was watching over me. I should have wound up dead several times over.
Some of my God moments include:
- Surviving a car accident after I was thrown out and run over by the vehicle;
- When I was about 14, I rolled a friend's blazer and should have died;
- In Kansas City I was drunk and rolled a girlfriend’s van. When I woke-up, I managed to climb out of the mangled van and make it to the road. Officers were searching for me. I was taken in for a DWI and woke-up in jail with more head trauma and sore limbs but ALIVE!
While fighting to find myself and the love I so desperately desired, I had affairs with both men and women still looking for the love and doing almost anything to find it.
I walked away from multiple rapes. I fought my way out of moving vehicles by climbing out the window while the car was still moving. Only by the GRACE OF GOD did I make it out of ANY of these situations.
I got beat-up more than once by a “john.” I jumped out of a window full of broken glass and ended up with shards imbedded in my back and butt. I was in such pain, refusing to go to a doctor that two other prostitutes threatened to call the cops to come and get me if I didn’t get help.
Through all of this I never once considered committing suicide.
JESUS spared me AGAIN during a tonsillectomy in 2018 when I was told I coded for 30 minutes.
God doesn’t prevent us from going through bad stuff especially when it is of our own making. If we’re going to do stupid stuff, He at least wants us to learn something from it. Like I said, I was rebellious. It took a lot of hurtful lessons before I quit running around looking for love in all the wrong places. He was there the whole time with arms opened wide waiting for me to quit running away from Him and instead running to Him.
I have moved to the lake area and started to slowly reconnect with my family. My mother and one of my sisters live here so I thought I'd try and be a part of their lives and have a support system. I know God saved me and has forgiven me for all the things I’ve done but, it will take a lot of work to undo all the hurt and resentment I created with my family.
I have a 14-year old Grandson that I love dearly and of course my daughter who is 33 now. I want so badly to rebuild our relationship and be a part of their lives. JESUS IS IN THE RESTORATION BUSINESS so I'm TRUSTING HE WILL make ALL things right as I stay surrendered to HIS WILL for my life.
My prayer is that by telling my story I might prevent someone else from running down the path I did. I want them to know that they can never run too far, or do too many bad things so that God will never forgive them. That’s the lie Satan uses against all of us when we turn away from him and turn to Jesus. The only place a person can find true lasting unconditional love is in the arms of our Lord and Savior.
So, in spite of everything I’ve done I cling to this verse.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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